Unapologetically Myself

What causes us to redirect our life’s trajectory and create radical change? I read an article that said, routine is deadly. It described how hawks patiently wait for the temperature to reach 68° at which point burrowing critters emerge and the hawk feasts. The article discussed how routine deadens our lives and our need for change. Eleanor Roosevelt summed up the article long ago saying, “Do something that scares you every day.” 

A few months ago, severe abdominal pain and sudden weight loss had me at the doctor’s office for a CT scan. The scan revealed a large mass had taken up residence in my abdomen. How long had it been there, and what did this interloper represent?

Within the month the benign growth was evicted. The surgery and recovery were swift and complete. As I recovered, my internal conversation and outward direction, like a hot air balloon, elevated and illuminated new vistas. New thoughts and feelings increased in scope and intensity. I felt lighter and more confident as this new view settled in. My mind and body relaxed and breathing deepened.

On reflection, the mass represented an old trauma and armor that held me in a place of rigid resignation. Surgery stripped all that away. I’m the oldest I’ve ever been, and yet feel the most alive and youthful. How is that possible I wondered, and an answer spontaneously rang in my ears, “I am unapologetically myself.” 

This new presence and confidence turned off the old voice of obligation, worry and routine and welcomed a delight in the ordinary and a oneness with everything. Along with those transformations came a love for myself, all of me, with no need to selectively choose what I present to the world. 

Radical change broadens my view and sends my ‘shoulds’ packing. As love and generosity towards myself increases, so does my love and compassion for others. Noticing my radical change, the Universe said, “Now you are free to dance about the Cosmos.” Graciously accepting the invitation, I pirouette with joy at the possibilities ahead—now that I am unapologetically myself.