Questioning enhances compassion

From the time I started school, knowing the right answer was of paramount importance. Not knowing could cause embarrassment or a lower grade. Once I became a teacher my thinking changed. In class discussions or test reviews I’d ask students, “How did you come up with that answer?” I found the explanation insightful. It illuminated the student’s thinking or understanding of the lesson. It opened the conversation to a deeper level.

Later in my career, my student, Dustin a tenth grader, couldn’t seem to get to school on time. I encouraged him and asked if I could help. He sidestepped the question and continued to be late. After several more tardies he was suspended and never returned to school. Later I learned that his mother had died of alcoholism and his uncle, who he lived with, had evicted him. He never mentioned any of this. I regret that I didn’t ask him more questions or investigate further.

Towards the end of my career in education, I presented an approach to individualizing instruction to the Board of Education. I was nervous knowing that many members and parents wanted things to remain the same. The superintendent, seeing my worry before the meeting said, “If someone asks you a hostile question, pause and have two questions to ask in return. That will give you time to think and cause them to reflect on their own question.” Taking her advice the discussion evolved creating greater understanding on both sides. 

By delving deeply, withholding judgment, and listening actively, my experience has taught me that questioning enhances compassion.

Love, Kate

Photo taken on my Portugal walk. A welcoming sign.